Shaved butt?

I worked at a dog track in Pensacola, Florida, when I was a teenager. I scooped a lot of poop. But those stories are for another day. I am merely establishing my expertise for you. I want to teach you a few things about dog racing so you can impress your friends, or not show your ignorance, when you go to the track.

First, don't ask anyone what happens when the dog catches the rabbit. It is very rare. Second, if you ever played fetch with a dog, you know they are easily fooled. If a greyhound catches the rabbit, (which happens only when there's a power outage or a glitch), they will not remember and will still chase the rabbit.

No, they don't use live rabbits anymore. Not since 1912, when Patrick Smith invented the mechanical rabbit. No, the owners are not cruel to the dogs. They are generally treated just like your family pet. The owners know the dogs are their meal ticket. If the greyhound races and finishes 'in the money', (top 3 or 4, depending on the track) then the owner gets paid.

The dogs don't get distracted when you yell their names, during a race because; they are trying to catch that darn rabbit. Plus, they have two names; a racing name and a kennel name. You only know the racing name.

These sleek creatures are very gentle and make great pets. They wear muzzles because they are often in pens with thirty other dogs and occasionally they have a disagreement. They are too valuable to get nicked up because of a territorial squabble, over who pee's where. They wear painted muzzles on the track so they can see who wins..by a nose.

It doesn't take much knowledge to bet on the dogs at a dog race. (It takes some to win...) My wife looks for the dog who relieves itself. She says it works because it's lighter. I make no endorsements for that system.

I have two friends (one a lawyer) who actually picked a dog because it looked like it had a shaved butt. They know less about the dogs than my wife. At least her idea was remotely plausible. Anyway, their dog beat my dogs. Even though I had carefully reviewed the racing history of each dog, in the race, and chose four dogs that had the best records, Their 'bare bottomed' dog beat all of my dogs and I have never heard the end of it. Let's just say I am the butt of a lot of their jokes.

For an afternoon or evening of fun, take your friends to the dog track. Pick your favorite dog for any reason, including a shaved behind. You never know what could happen, trust me. Even if you lose a few bucks, at least you can answer some of those dumb questions your friends are sure to ask.